Blood Suckers Aren’t Supposed to Sparkle

Jay — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:44:52 +0000

Movies are usually an enjoyable experience for me. I have large amount of attention and can follow along even the most complicated of storylines. I appreciate special affects, great filming, enthralling soundtracks, and outstanding acting. Even if the film were to fail in most of those aspects, I still enjoy watching them. The very act of losing oneself in a movie appeals to me. But before last night, I didn’t believe there could be another movie in existence that would upset me almost as much as Alexander did. I wasn’t interested in seeing it, but a friend had a ringing endorsement of it (this was her second viewing, in fact) so I decided to give it a chance. But damn… I was not sure of what I experienced in Twilight.

I won’t go into the whole story. I hadn’t read the book, but even so, after watching the movie I felt like there were a lot of dangling plot threads that went unexplored and/or unresolved. This is a big no-no for those who haven’t read the book or even know of the books’ existence like me. Like what the hell was going on between the native americans and the vampires? They like to give each other angry stares (and there’s LOTS of staring going on in the movie, to the extent that it just was more hilarious than dramatic). And I really wished they had explored the backstories of the rest of the Cullen clan, the “noble” vampires. They looked pretty interesting, and I would have liked to have known how they each became vampires themselves.

I think I had some prejudiced expectations going in that probably led to my disatisfaction. All I knew was that it was some sort of romantic/drama with vampires in it. I’m thinking, “Oooh, vampires!” However, movie posters showing pretty boy teens hindered my desire to see it; because to me, vampires should be blood sucking monsters like in 30 Days of Night. These are definitely not your typical vampires. I can understand that the pretty ones are in fact “good” vampires that feed on the blood of animals rather than humans, therefore depicting them as young, attractive humans makes sense. But come on… they freakin’ sparkle in the sunlight? I am not down with that, both as a man and as a fan of the old school vampires.

The acting… I wouldn’t say was atrocious, but more grating than anything. I’m not sure if it was the delivery or the lines, but a lot of the romantic scenes were a bit too cliche for my tastes.

Edward Cullen, the main pretty boy vampire, (played by actor Robert Patterson, better recognized as the immortal Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter films), was bearable. The first third of the movie he was so stand-offish… his emo-like stares almost made me want to laugh hysterically. It was like he tried really really hard to perfect the stare that it seemed like it was supposed to be a joke.

The action sequences were nice, but the final fight between Edward and the “bad” vampire James seemed waaaaay too short and anti-climactic. When I see a movie with vampires, I expect some level of blood, gore, and violence. This film seemed way too censored… but again, I guess it needed to be to keep to its wimpy romance theme.

I discussed my criticisms with my friend today. She says that a lot was cut from the book and that I should read it before judging the movie so harshly. I probably will give the book a chance. It has a few interesting characters I want to learn more about. And she says the series is just as engaging as Harry Potter. And I likes my Potter books.

So, for now, I shall have to rate this movie 3/10. It gained points with a few characters that have real potential. I’m probably being way too generous.

Oh yeah, best line in the movie? “Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin,” said by Edward describing his infatuation for the blood of Bella, the human girl he falls in love for. Almost wanted to get up and leave after that one.

Cool vampires don’t smile.

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Blood Suckers Aren’t Supposed to Sparkle