Oh 2008, I knew thee well. Lots of hardships, lots of blessings.

In the past year I…

was broke.
was unemployed.
fell in love.
was heartbroken.
got over it.
fell in love again.
realized how not in love I really was.
became sad and lonely.
decided to not take things so seriously and personally.
became really happy and positive.
got back into banking.
got a steady paycheck once again.
rebuilt my savings.
got addicted to WoW.
made some new friends.
got a new digital camera.
said goodbye to Lola.
experienced some of the greatest disappointments one can in the span of one night out.
experienced some of the greatest successes one can in the same night.
was able to quit WoW cold turkey.
went on some horrible dates.
went on some awesome dates.
learned that 2+2=5.
paid off some credit cards.
made the decision to take control of my life.

And it wouldn’t be New Years without some resolutions though, right?

• Get a new job (A must.)
• Get my own place.
• Keep in touch with my friends.
• Update the blog more consistently.
• Here’s a typical one: Go to the gym and get back in shape.
• Stop bullshitting around and be more honest and straightforward.
• Continue to make new friends.
• Re-read the A Song of Ice and Fire books.
• Learn at least one of these things.
• Watch Gossip Girl already.

As the last post had noted, I already put my two weeks notice in at work. I’m leaving. I’m moving on. I’m ready to start something new and see what I can accomplish on my own. It’s looking to be an exciting year.

I ran through all kinds of excuses: “I’m not interested in becoming a father.” “I don’t want to be involved with a kid right now.” “The kid will be a major distraction.” “I’m afraid of becoming just some kind of monetary support.” “She must have some issues if she’s no longer with the dad.”

And now, I feel guilty for thinking those things. I had a lot of prejudiced ideas. But really, there’s nothing wrong with a single mother wanting to date. There could be all sorts of circumstances behind there not being a father, and I should really learn more about her and what happened before blowing her off. I need to stop looking for ulterior motives when there aren’t any. And it’s not like we’re looking for something long term here (at least I hope that’s the case). So why not have some fun together?

And who knows… down the line, when I’m ready to have a family, I’m not against marrying someone who already has kids. I’m in a step-family, and it’s been good. I consider them part of my real family. I think it’s horrible what kids go through when parents go through a divorce (been through it myself, but that’s not what I want to get into now). It can be just as hard for them to accept someone else in their lives that might seem like they’re intruding in private territory they have no business being in. But if the step-parent truly loves your mom/dad AND you, then it works. I’m no expert in making step-families a success, and it’s not without its bumps and clashes, but when everyone respects one another, you could be getting some of the best people ever being a part of your life. Why pass on a chance like that?

First: Got a message from a recruiter who found my resume somewhere and described a position that really piqued my interests. Called back and left a message. Recruiter calls me back and says the position they are hiring for requires someone with more experience and wanted to know if I knew anyone I could refer them to. Told them to “shove it and thanks for giving me false hope and wasting my fucking time” (in my head).

That was OK, because I was in Borders when they had called me back. I got The Oz Chronicles Vol. 2 by L. Frank Baum… took it to the register and it turns out it only costs me $1! This is a book marked as $19.99 on the sticker, but it rang up as $1! The register lady was as pleasantly surprised as I was but gladly accepted my payment. I never thought it, but buying a book unexpectedly for $1 really brightened my day.

After that I went to my favorite store which I dearly missed from my time in Florida, and saw that they had some awesome new shirts. The employees there were more than accommodating, even going so far as to show me some sweet 7 Diamond shirts that just came in.

Alright, this could be nothing, but it was a brief thing that left me smiling but thinking about how I could have done it better… the girl (very cute, I might add… you’ll have to take my word for it) who rang up my purchases at the store asked me for my last name (which they have always done to put into the computer), smiled, and said, “That’s a beautiful last name!” To which I’m sure I was blushing furiously and said, “Thank you!” She started a little conversation about how two of her coworkers were getting married and their old and soon-to-be-new last names were boring like Thompson, Jones, and such. “Aw, well, it’s wonderful that they are getting married at least! That’s great for them!” I said. So anyway, my transaction was completed and I thanked them for their help, wished them well, and went on my way.

Right, so I was saying that could have been nothing, but I have no idea if that was flirting or not. I mean, she could have been just really friendly… but if a girl is comfortable with a stranger to carry a conversation like that, shouldn’t I act on that? I won’t deny that I’m inexperienced and shy in flirting and making friendly conversations with the ladies… because I sort of am when I’m not in a bar or club somewhere buzzed after a couple drinks. But looking back, I should have said something like, “Well what’s your last name?” and learn something about her. Just anything to show that I was interested in talking to her.

But I won’t say it was a total bust. I left a happy camper, not grumpy at all. I love that store. I go there a lot, so hopefully she’ll recognize me next time. And the more I experience and have moments like that, the more capable I am to handle them.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

1. What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
“She tastes like barf”

2. How did you do on the last test you took?
I took an assessment for a job… I did well enough that they want another interview.

3. What is your ringtone for when people text you?
Some voice saying, “New message.”

4. What show did you last watch?
House Hunters on HGTV.

5. What time is it?
Time to party?

6. What foods make you sick?
Curdled milk and soggy, moldy bread.

7. Do you get shy around the guy/girl you like?
Used to all the time. Not really that shy, but…

8. Do you remember what you were doing a year ago?
Working.

9. Name one thing you like and one thing you hate about yourself?
I like that I’m not as shy as I used to be. But I still have some insecurities that totally hold me back.

10. Do you have family problems?
Who doesn’t?

11. Where are most people in your top from?
In MySpace terms, my top friends are from UMBC and family.

12. What was the last meal you ate?
Dinner

13. Who are there pictures of in the room you’re currently in?
Grandparents

14. Name one thing people think about you that’s not true?
It’s hard to gauge what people think of me these days.

15. Do you give special ringtones to certain people?
Yeah…

16. What’s the weather like outside?
Cold and windy.

17. Have you ever seen a 3D movie in theaters?
With the special 3D glasses? Nope.

18. How was your last relationship?
I wonder how it was too.

19. Where’d you get everything that you’re wearing?
Metropark, Nordstrom, Macy’s

20. Do you text with T9-Word or ABC?
I got a full QWERTY keyboard, baby.

21. Have you memorized your social security number?
I’d be pathetic if I didn’t by now.

22. Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
I might have. Can’t really remember one.

23. What was the last advice you gave someone?
“Move on. Don’t look so desperate. Try to not think about him.”

24. What radio station do you listen to the most?
107.3

25. What was your worst grade last quarter?
Last quarter? That was over a year ago… B

26. Are you on youtube?
Yep.

27. What do you think about the person that last texted you?
“Why are you texting me?!”

28. What is your current favorite song?
Got a lot right now but it’s a tie between:
50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland – Ayo Technology
and
OneRepublic – Say (All I Need)

29. And who are you?
I’m me.

30. How do you like your school?
I regret that I wasted years of my life socially (totally through my own inactions), but I made some excellent friends there. The classes were a good manageable size and I’d like to think that I actually learned stuff.

31. What’s the last food you ate that was stale?
Chips

32. Do you like to start rumors?
Nope.

32. Who will you never forget?
Family, friends…

33. Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
Hmmm. (Note that is not a yes nor a no).

34. What are you afraid of?
Being alone.

35. What do you look for in a relationship?
Lots of things. I only share those on dates.

36. Would you ever consider having a relationship with your best friend?
But… my best friend is a dude? LOL. And that’s a no, despite how good looking he is.

37. What piercings do you want to get?
Thought about getting one, but I’m not sure if I want it yet.

38. Have your friends ever seen you cry?
I don’t think so…

39. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
…

40. Can you do a push-up?
Hell, yes.

41. Have you ever had a panic attack?
Nope.

42. Name the last time you got really anxious.
Before my last interview.

43. Would you ever consider moving back to your hometown?
I currently live there, but I want to move out asap.

44. Describe your laugh.
Loud?

45. How did you meet the last person you kissed?
Just met her at a club somewhere.

46. Are you currently going out with that person?
Haha, no. I can’t even remember her name… I’m horrible.

47. Can you do the Crank Dat dance?
Not even sure what that is.

48. Who sings the song you last sang?
OneRepublic

49. Have you ever modeled for anything?
Nope.

50. Plans for this weekend?
Might go out and have some fun somewhere.

51. How was last weekend?
Awesome party.

52. Have you ever been to California?
Yep.

53. How about New York City?
Definitely, yeah

54. What’s your favorite color to wear?
White for button-down shirts, but dark colors for others.

55. Have you ever been in love?
I want to say yes, but I honestly have no idea what love really is supposed to feel like.

But it’s cool. The past few weeks, I’ve been meeting a lot of new people, working on my socializing skills, experiencing new things, coming out of my shell. I’m following up on my promise I made weeks ago. I can’t believe I missed out on all this fun all these years. But there’s still this one thing that really bugs the hell out of me… I think I use it as an excuse all the time for why I’m not in a relationship. It’s really fucking frustrating. It could be something. It could be nothing. I’m not ready to share what it is just yet. How off is that? I’m willing to listen to other’s problems, but I can’t share my own. hah.

Ok. I’m off. We’re headed out… Fucking $1 drinks, baby! HELL YEAH!